Where is Home?

‘Home is where the heart is’ as the saying goes, but what happens if you struggle to define where or what ‘home’ means to you?

For me right now ‘home’ is two places:  Salsburgh, the village in central Scotland where I grew up and where my parents, sister and some of my friends live; and Dhahran, Saudi Arabia, where I currently live and work.  Although I feel extremely lucky to have two places to call home, this doesn’t mean that I want to stay in Dhahran forever (or at least until retirement) or return to Salsburgh when I leave Dhahran.

So what makes somewhere feel like home?  Is it a sense of community, somewhere family live close by, somewhere friends live close by, somewhere that offers a certain lifestyle, or somewhere that gives you a gut feeling of just being ‘right’?  For me the one place that has always felt ‘right’ on a gut level is Amsterdam.  I love the city, the relaxed vibe and the friendly people.  It’s the one place I’ve felt comfortable from the very first time I visited.  Copenhagen also gave me a similar feeling (I am most definitely a Northern European at heart!).

Ever since I left home (Salsburgh) I’ve struggled to feel ‘at home’.  Even though I will be in Saudi Arabia for a few more years I’ve already had anxiety inducing thoughts about where I will go when I leave, with the assumption that I will return to Scotland.  Where do I want to set up a home?  What if nothing ever feels right?  Will I be forever packing up and moving on?  Then recently, through reading various different books and listening to podcasts, I started to form the thought that perhaps ‘home’ is something that is inside you.

What if ‘home’ is formed by having a good sense of self, a loving relationship with yourself both inside and out, and a strong connection to your own wants and needs that makes you feel you will be secure, happy and content wherever you settle?  Then you are freed up to look for a town and house that ticks your boxes regarding the external things such as shops, community, a big garden – whatever it is that you would like.

I’ve always struggled with anxiety and feeling like I don’t fit in but it’s only recently that I’ve realized that perhaps I over think things, and put unnecessary pressure on myself.  Having more faith in myself and forming a loving relationship with myself is lifting these anxieties and I already feel like this isn’t something I need to stress over anymore.

Does anyone else have this sort of anxiety?  Even if you are settled somewhere, do you ever feel like you’re not ‘at home’ or that where you live is not where you belong?  Would moving help or would forming a deeper, more loving relationship with yourself help you feel more at ‘home’ in your own body and mind and therefore increase your feelings of security and contentedness with where you live?  Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

 

 

 


5 thoughts on “Where is Home?

  1. Hi Morag, an interesting subject and a topic very close to my heart. I moved around a lot in my 20’s, homes, jobs, relationships, I never felt at home anywhere, I always felt there was something missing.

    I believe we will forever be searching for a ‘home’ if we look for a home in a 3 dimensional sense, i.e. physical place, job, person etc.

    We are spiritual beings that have chosen to have a human experience, however, we still need to honour that spiritual side of ourselves even though we’re living a human existence.

    Our soul is eternal and I believe we are ‘home’ any time we quieten the external noise and connect to ‘God’, ‘Source’, whatever name you choose to give it. That is our true home and the beauty is we can connect any time, any place, any where.

    So today I feel at home wherever I go, no matter how brief my stay and for me, that is through having a daily spirtual practice and cultivating a connection with the divine ‘source’.

    The external stuff I think of as the extra bits of Lego you get in kits that pretty up the finished model but actually they don’t make any difference to the real foundation and structure of the model, it’s already complete and they are just decoration.

    Great article and thank you for highlighting such an interesting topic.

    1. Hi Victoria everything you have said rings so true for the path I’m following. I feel much more settled since I started my spiritual practice. I wish I had discovered this year’s ago! But i believe everything happens when the time is right and I’m learning so much. Thank you for the lovely words.

  2. Hi Morag. I can’t believe how much this blog reflects my feelings/situation at the moment. I’ve had these feelings not long after arriving in the Middle East from the UK & thought it was just me being in a crazy ‘mid-life funk’ with myself & seeing your blog was almost like someone had jumped into my head & stolen my thoughts! But I’m so glad someone else feels exactly the same & I’m not the odd one out in a sea of people saying ‘this place is wonderful & I want to stay here until retirement & beyond’ or looking at me like I’m from another planet when I say I’m the exact opposite, or getting asked if I’m depressed because I don’t feel the same, and constantly get the old ‘if you can’t call this place home then why don’t you leave then?’ type comments. All of this just goes round in circles until I just withdraw from commenting all together & just smile & nod in all the right places & don’t reveal my true feelings.

    Basically for me, a country I could call home is somewhere you feel instantly at ease & feel like your soul & mind is fed with everything you see around you in the tiniest little thing in every day life & also freedom, fresh air & beauty in every day life. Plus easy going laid back people & non confrontational/aggresive environments due to pressures of the rat race & bad economic problems & poor public transport etc. A place where you feel free to sit in the sun & eat & drink whatever you want, wear what you want & watch interesting people going by & undisturbed if you’re a woman sat alone. I don’t think that’s a big ask or too hard to achieve?

    So a certain new craze brought something to my attention like a giant slap recently & highlighted a few things I was already thinking. The new Pokemon Go craze. I’ve light-heartedly mocked the craze on FB with the odd funny meme here & there but NOT for the actual principal behind it i.e. to get people up & out & active which is fantastic! But because of the whole anti-social/glued to phone still/non-communicado with other gamers next to them type stuff makes me roll my eyes big time. But do you know what? The stark reality that actually sucker punched me the other day is that they’ve got something I/we haven’t got – freedom & I wish them all the joy in the world with it. I wouldn’t be able to download that game & go roaming around out of the cotton wool wrapped western compound bubble we live in here, without major restrictions as a western woman going anywhere on foot downtown because it simply can’t happen because it’s dangerous. This realisation made me really sad this week that my soul is starved of so many things most people take for granted & my basic freedom isn’t there & this is what really gets to me sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job & work hard & I’m proud of that & obviously love the financial benefits that go with that, but I constantly ask myself if a better day to day standard of living & homely lifestyle & freedom whenever I choose is worth more than all the money in the world?

    Going back to me feeling we have the exact same circumstances, I too feel like a square peg out here & my heart is with my home country but do I want to return? Part of me thinks no. There are the major pros & cons going ‘home’ too. Plus I’m in the other category like you, I’ve been to places I could seriously call home abroad, to see my days out in a place where I feel like I truly belong on so many levels & could ‘just be’ like I’ve almost maybe had links to that place in a past life. And no, not in the way people go on holiday somewhere & want to stay in every place, every time & braid their hair & live in a hut on the beach & never go home, type dream. It’s rare places now & then that really grab you & you just know. A place where you feel it from your boots & in your gut ‘I could really call this place home & feel content for the first time ever & feel like I’ve finally arrived where I belong!’ type feeling. Once you get that feeling it’s hard to ignore.

    You’re dream IS achievable so set it as your goal to work towards. I’m still working on mine as I am torn between two places where I really want to be at the moment. Luckily my heart is with the more achievable one. xx

  3. Couldn’t have related to this post more! I guess the first step to finding peace with the concept of not being able to call one space ‘Home’ is to accept that it has no geographical bounds…what makes some places so dear to us, are usually the memories, experiences and people surrounding them; those we can keep close in our hearts forever ❤ Beautifully written…I can feel the passion and emotion behind your pen 🙂

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